Not sure about wanting kids? It’s OK, you can still be a great parent

I tried to postpone my pregnancy as much as I could. In the end, I decided to have kids because I was afraid I would regret not having them one day. What a “bad” reason to have them.

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The older I got, the less sure I was about this “have a child and your life is over” thing. I was just about to explore the world and say “fuck you” to the corporation when the pregnancy happened.

I had my own good reasons to justify that not having them is a great thing. Here are a few:

Kids are irritating

At least those running around tables while I was sipping drinks with my friends in a cafe. Those shrieking in the street as their mothers tried to drag them along. It was all bad manners and lousy parenting that was not gonna happen to me.

Jesus, I was stupid.

“Living is easy with eyes closed”, said the man of my adolescent dreams, John Lennon.

When you get a baby and it turns one and a half (or two), you get a time bomb. All that gentle love and care you were giving to your bundle of joy backfires. The “lack of discipline” no one taught you to enforce on your little one and bad genes explode in a supermarket, at a car park, or at a restaurant among the girls who came there just to sip drinks with their friends.

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Kids are boring

My stomach was already bulging with my 2 babies and I still did not go “aaaahhh…” over kids. I was sitting at my friend’s with her 2 small daughters. The older one (aged 5) was using every opportunity to push the smaller one (aged 2). I wanted to teach her good behavior.

My friend was living in another town but we saw each other then as friends usually do when you’re pregnant. I found this pregnancy special seeing unnecessary and absurd:

“Why do people want to see you when you haven’t changed a bit? You just have a bulge, that’s all.”

So much about my motherly feelings.

The fear of not being a good parent

  • What if I don’t raise them good enough? (average parents don’t ask themselves this one)
  • What if they become frustrated people with inferiority complexes?
  • Or alcoholics? Drug addicts?
  • What if they become poor?
  • How are they going to live in this country?

From a parenting point of view, these are more or less fears of growing up and of change. But you will survive!

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Our childfree life is good

We want to keep our money, freedom, and free time. We feel sorry for our moms who sacrificed so much to raise us. We don’t want this to happen to us. We know better.

It’s called narcissism. And the fear of growing up.

We wonder why should we have children with 7 billion people in this world. There are too many hungry people, a looming threat of a nuclear war, and Sun is going to melt all the life on this planet. Why even bother?

People had children in World Wars.

To parent or not to parent

I won’t convince you that parenting is great. Or easy. That your life doesn’t have to change when you get a child — especially if you are a mother. That you’ll have enough time for everything. That you will not want to strangle your partner or those demons you have created together naively wanting to make a world a better place. That you’ll like other people’s kids more. That you’ll find the meaning of life.

Because they are all not true. Not necessarily.

Those bastards have made me forget what my life was like before I had them. If I didn’t have them, my life would be a great big adventure and looking for meaning I could never find.

Still, my kids have given me a center of gravity. My fruits of labor on them are the most meaningful things I have ever done.

Do whatever you want to do. I don’t regret having mine.

Hello, I’m Maria, a twin mom who just wrote a children’s book. This is my website:

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